Top 25 Jack Benny Quotes
1. I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either. — Jack Benny
2. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. — Jack Benny
3. I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early. — Jack Benny
4. It’s not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause. — Jack Benny
5. Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. — Jack Benny
6. A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid. — Jack Benny
7. Modesty is my best quality. — Jack Benny
8. There’s only five real people in Hollywood. Everyone else is Mel Blanc. — Jack Benny
9. When another comedian has a lousy show, I’m the first one to admit it. — Jack Benny
10. I’m living in a very modest place. I have a room over-looking beautiful Claridge’s Hotel. I thought it was better than paying Claridge’s prices and overlooking the dump I’m living in.— Jack Benny
11. Any man who would walk five miles through the snow, barefoot, just to return a library book so he could save three cents – that’s my kind of guy. —Jack Benny
12. No matter how often I tell people I’m thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I’m that old. — Jack Benny
13. Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. — Jack Benny
14. Jack Benny quote: My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not… My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. — Jack Benny
15. A rich man is one who isn’t afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper. — Jack Benny
16. Hors D’oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces. — Jack Benny
17. I practice three hours daily on my violin so I won’t get worse. —Jack Benny
18. Comedy itself is based upon very old principles of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation. — Jack Benny
19. When I give concerts, the tickets sell for five dollars to one hundred dollars, but for my concerts the five-dollar seats are down in front… the further back you go, the more you have to pay. The hundred dollar seats are the last two rows, and those tickets go like hotcakes! In fact, if you pay two hundred dollars you don’t have to come at all. — Jack Benny
20. I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray. — Jack Benny
21. Try to save something while your salary is small; it’s impossible to save after you begin to earn more. — Jack Benny
22. Everything good that happened to me happened by accident. — Jack Benny
23. I gambled at the crap table all night and finally lost $8, but during that time the house gave me four drinks and two cigars, so it was still a lot cheaper than renting a room. — Jack Benny
24. I was born in Waukegan a long, long time ago. As a matter of fact, our rabbi was an Indian. — Jack Benny
25. I don’t want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too. — Jack Benny
